Ex's and O's
by luvs2smooch
Summary: Shikamaru is now a teacher, working under Iruka and instructing the youngest ninja. He adores his job. What will happen when his ex shows up, and with nearly the same occupation? Rated T to be safe. R&R! I wish I owned Naruto! TemaShika!
1. Intro time

**luvs2smooch: Here's something else. Read on, and please enjoy it.**

Summary: Shikamaru is now a teacher, working under Iruka and instructing the youngest ninja. He adores his job. What will happen when his ex shows up, and with the near-same occupation? Rated T to be safe. R&R!

Ex's and O's

"That's it! Right in the center!" I cheered enthusiastically. It may have been somewhat uncharacteristic, but hell, they were my students. It may sound rather simple minded, but I get happy when they do well. Shuriken practice was no different…

I grinned at my own thoughts. They were easy to please, my students. Just some minor success or another with even mild praise to back it really hyped them up. Did wonders for my mood too.

I began to step in time with the rhythmic sounds of the shuriken. The sheer whistle as they flew. The slight piercing _thik_ when they sank themselves into wooden targets. Smiling once more at my own actions, I walked about behind the throwing line. Sometimes I think that even just standing behind these little guys helps.

However, my smile faded when I reached Kuroramu. He was….my problem student. His behavior was fine, certainly, but he could not throw to save his life. Nor could he accurately perform most basic jutsu. I sighed inwardly at my own inability. I can barely teach him…

I ducked behind him and helped to better position his arm. "Up," I said, "and a little to the left…try that." He gave a grunt of approval and sent the little metal star soaring, singing its obtuse song as it sailed. I tracked its movement's right up until it hit the target, and grinned. Direct hit! Maybe today would be a good day for him…

"Nice job! Just remember that position!" I moved on, nodding my approval to each of my pupils, occasionally offering words of advice. I was confident in just about everyone. I knew that most of them could perform well enough, if not more than well enough, to pass any exams thrown their way. To me, that was pretty satisfying. It had become my comfort zone, so to speak. I supposed to myself that it was because it offered a place of constancy, of non-changing comfort (something scarce in a ninja's life). I smiled to myself yet again as I gazed up into the cloud-speckled sky. _Nothing to go awry…_

"Why, Shikamaru, hello!" I cringed at the voice echoing behind me. A quake shot up my spine as the shriek of a banshee crossed my ears. My eye twitched as the speaker's picture ran through my mind. I knew I could neither avoid it nor ignore, and so I chose my only option, turning with a sigh--_How troublesome!_--to face the voice's owner.

Temari...my ex.

**luvs2smooch: There it is...a cliffhanger. Thanks for reading! Please review and move on if I've updated.**


	2. Meeting under the stars

**Luvs2smooch: Hello, this is me. Thanks for all of you who reviewed--you rock! Here's another chapter, sorry I took so long to update! I don't (yet) own Naruto!**

Ex's and O's

(Abruptly continued from chapter one)

"Temari, what are you doing here?" I spoke through nearly-bared teeth. This was the last thing I needed…

Temari tilted her head. "Have you forgotten?" I could detect more than a hint of mock surprise in her voice. Sarcasm, too. Listening to her tone, I guessed that she was just as displeased as I. Not surprising, really, considering what had happened to us…

"She's here to confirm her visit tomorrow," I nearly jumped when I heard Iruka. He stood beside Temari. Didn't notice him. Temari had me caught off guard.

"Her students are going to train alongside yours for a while." I suppose he noticed my disdain, because he added, "Tomorrow."

I groaned silently. I _had_ forgotten. For some reason or another, our superiors wanted the ninjas-in-training to meet. Maybe to strengthen village relations. All in all, it seemed like a plan. Neat and dandy. I saw no problem with it. But Temari…I moaned slightly, aloud this time.

She cocked an eyebrow and smiled a crooked smile. Not joyous, but from the corner of her mouth. The kind of smile that makes you think someone's out to get you.

"Well, that's all…" She turned on her heel and began to walk away, but turned again before the second step, as if she had elapsed over an important note.

"Iruka! Before I forget again, get this to Hokage-sama." Temari beckoned to Iruka, and held out an envelope. A sealed** (AN: as in ninjutsu-sealed) **envelope. Iruka reached out rather sheepishly and took it. He pocketed it, apparently savvy to whatever was happening. I didn't burden my mind with thoughts of it. Tried not to, anyways.

Temari walked away again, this time confident. I watched her go. Watched her hips sway. Her hair shake. Her fan thump methodically against her back with every step. I just stood there as Iruka dismissed my class. I could hear them walk off, and a few off them even offered a good-bye, but I did not turn. I merely stood, solitary; staring at the straight path Temari had taken. She was gone, out of the village. I stayed, though, for nearly an hour. Another hour after that. Not a single thought crossed my mind, just her image. It echoed through my head like a visual broken record.

A single raindrop struck my shoulder, breaking my trance with a light plop. I looked up at the darkening clouds. Saw a forming thunderhead. Knowing it hailed a storm, I began home. I took the scenic route. Decided I had time, and should relish my solitude before morning breaks.

As I walked, I contemplated what had happened. What I had taught. Kuroramu's success. Even my lunch. Anything to avoid thinking about Temari… But my mind just seemed so engrossed upon her…

It was quite a time ago, maybe a few days after I had failed to retrieve Sasuke. I say "I" because I had led the mission as a chuunin. There were several casualties for both Orochimaru's men and my teammates…no one left the battlefield unharmed. Of course, the village prodigy and my best friend were the worst off.

I wasn't very worried about Neji, but to know that I had almost inadvertently killed my closest friend tore me apart. He did survive the ordeal. Some medicine book my family owned saved him. It couldn't save my ego, though. I beat myself up about it for a long time.

Which led to further thought about what lay in store for me. I knew I would have to lead more missions, that a single mistake on my part could quite possibly be the death of any given comrade. I realized how much responsibility had been hefted onto my shoulders. How much I would have to risk just by living my life. The thoughts that my actions could very well lead to death became almost constant, a fog over me day and night. For the longest time I just sort of…wandered. Let the flow of time push me along. Every morning I barely woke, and when I did it was to the instant dread that a mission may be coming. Sleep was of no comfort, either, as it could only lead to another woe-laden day. I had virtually no placation.

Then I found Temari.

I was actually trying to soothe my mind at the time. I was out walking. It may have been night, but it was quite tepid. Although the stars were out, my eyes were directed at the ground. I wanted deeply to forget my fears, my worries, for at least a while. My mind occupied, I did not at all notice Temari when I passed her. She was lying against a hill. Not too steep, just a comfortable tip. I was walking along a beaten path. It lay at the bottom of her hill. It was apparent from her posture that she was stargazing. I pretended not to see her. I don't know why. Maybe instinct. Whatever the case, she did not let me hold the charade.

"Shikamaru?" Her voice held curiosity mingled with nostalgia and slight worry.

"I wasn't sure what to say. In the end I just gave out a slight "Um…" Looking back, I never was good with women.

I suppose she saw something in my expression, because she gave a concerned smile. She patted the spot on the hill next to her. Then she laughed. She had seen the utter surprise in my face. It was deep and whole-hearted. I nearly blushed, but quickly composed myself.

She patted the spot beside her again, and accompanied it with a single syllable: "Sit."

I still don't see why I complied, but I did. I sat. She was leaning forward on her haunches, her knees on her elbows. I leaned back uncomfortably, hands against the moist grass of the hillside. She asked me a simple question, her tone brimming with understanding, patience, and something else that escapes me, even to this day. She asked me what was on my mind. The first friendly words we ever shared. Her voice still lingers in my mind…

I told her. Told her everything. All that weighed on me. Of failure, atonement, death, and relocation. And she listened, reverently and tolerantly. Admirably, even. And all the while, she gazed at me. Her eyes were round and interested, but her look suggested something more solemn. Like a quieted tempest. Beautiful and chaotic.

After what was barely a few minutes, my mental bottle was emptied and I was nearly crying at my own condition. After it all, she simply patted my back, as if I was a child in need of reassurance. Which wasn't too far from the truth. The strange part was, though, that it felt good. I nearly expected her to say, "There, all better now?"

But insted, she just got up and left. She turned her head back with a wink and said,"See ya!", but just left. I didn't want to go. I didn't want the moment to die. Wanted to keep the bliss. So I laid back and put my hands behind my head and took a fresh look at the sky above Konoha. I chuckled. I never thought the stars could even hold a candle to clouds…

But that was a long time ago. Before what the fat-ass behind the keyboard is about to tell you even happened.

**Luvs2smooch: Thanks for reading! Reviews will determine the fate of this script! So review. Or else Sasuke and Orochimaru will rape you in your sleep tonight.**


	3. Rain and memories

**Luvs2smooch: Hello all, this is I. For the amount of time it took me to get off my lazy ass and write this, it may be a bit lackluster. I hope you enjoy this. This chapter goes out to Caddy4839, who inspired me to continue this.**

Ex's and O's

I kept walking. It always hurt so much, just remembering all we had done, all that we had been to each other. That's why I've been trying to forget it all for so long. That's why I kept walking….also why it hurt as much as it did when the memories of her crossed my thoughts.

We really were meant for each other…a perfect match. She always said that depression followed our wake, for whenever we met, it always began to rain, always. I loved that about her…her dark sense of humor. Always cajoling danger, poking susceptibilities, and leaving pandemonium behind her. She never hesitated to point out problems, but somehow continually confounded me with her harrowing accuracy and radical solutions. Lacking an answer on no account, she solved many a crisis, even if she usually left most everyone feeling pissed off.

I sighed. A necessary evil...hated and needed.

She still puzzles me, even as I look back at our shared past. All I can really do at this point is go home, I suppose, and dread tomorrow, when I must share a day with her.

And so I continued along my path. The rain beat lightly on my shoulders. The stars were out, piercing the thinning clouds with their celestial beams. On a whim ressurected from stale memories, I halted and stole a gaze upwards. Raised my eyebrows at the surprise I beheld…I was not the only one who took a chance look into the heavens that rainy night.

"Temari?... Is that you?" I selected my words-and tone- cautiously. She sat up on the crumbling tiles of an old building, likely abandoned or housing the unfortunate. Water ran off of the old roof in splaying gushes, and the old red paint looked rather like caked blood.

She seemed to mentally jump into the air, obviously surprised but too calm, too distant to respond bodily. She slowly turned her head down to me, as the rain fell from her dampened hair and supple complexion in light droplets. When her soft eyes finally met mine, I could see so much within-longing, hatred, nostalgia- but most of all, sadness. Depression, grief, misery. I felt it in a wave, felt it's strength, knew instantly what it was. I was filled with a wretchedness, the sort that comes from the deepest form of self-alienation. I knew…because it was the precise thing that I myself had enacted soon after we had gone our separate ways.

Her nonchalance listlessly evolved into a faintly ironic smile.

"Hello, Shikamaru…" The words tumbled from her lips in broken syllables, only emphasizing her zoned-out detachment. Several things shot through my head. Was she... high? Drunk? Just feeling slothful? Why was she still here? But I had time to say none of these, for she was so quickly gone from her rooftop perch that I scarcely noticed the air she had occupied moments ago was now vacant. And yet, all of a sudden, the air all around me seemed full of her voice. I heard her slight call from all angles, echoing from every nook. Each voice, though slightly differing in tone, uttered the same phrase:

"It's a shame, isn't it, Shikamaru?"

Just as abruptly as it appeared, her voice vanished, an undetectable wraith fleeing through the pitter-patter of the rain and into the darkness of night. I glanced left first, and then right, unsure whether or not what I had witnessed actually occurred. I puzzled over it for a moment more, ten just comcluded, quite simply, that Temari always has been a strange one. I stole a gaze about again, and the allowed a few tears to fall from my eyes. They mixed with the rain and dissapeared. Sighing sadly at the unavoidable nostalgia of things, I once more marched into the breaking dawn.

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	4. Alone with a necessary evil

**Luvs2smooch. Well, hello, all. Thanks to all you who reviewed. Here's another chapter.**

Ex's and O's

Oh god. Not morning already.

I sat up in bed, eyes still squinted from the still-intense light filtered through the window shades. I need to replace those.

I got up, stretched a bit. Barely managed to drag myself out of the shower. So soothing under that warm water…

Then I threw on a random shirt, some pants. Combed my hair, put it up the way I like it. Hauled myself into the kitchen, devoured a bowl of lukewarm oatmeal. I sighed, staring at the grainy, goopish contents of my meal. Not a very encouraging sign about the upcoming day.

I grudgingly began in the general direction of the academy. Certainly, I wasn't very enthusiastic with my situation. Far from. I had to, and I repeat, _had to_, spend my day teaching pupils from both Suna and Konoha. With my _ex_, for god's sake. With Temari.

And so I was naturally reluctant to go along my way. I walked towards the academy, yes, but leisurely. Distracted myself with any single and slightest event. A falling leaf. Noisy bugs. Stopped whenever I could, just trying to take in the sights, or more accurately, to slow my pace. To prevent the hurricane that was bound to erupt once I once more met Temari.

Obviously, it was futile. Even at my slowed, abstracted lick, I soon found myself outside the academy. I sighed—_How troublesome!_—and entered.

Iruka greeted me at the door. He seemed happy enough at the proceedings. He rambled. I caught a few words—grades, technique, teaching—but didn't respond. Too sleepy, too pissed at the circumstances. I grumpily found the coffee machine, chugged a cup or two, and finally sought out my class.

"Oh- they're around back. Everything's ready." I grumbled my consent, headed to the designated grounds. I stepped into the bright morning glare and shaded my eyes. As such, what happened next came as a surprise--

"Shikamru, what took you?" I once more cringed at the sound of her voice, as I always do.

"Oh, he's always late." Kuroramu this time, grinning at me. I took it in stride. Grinned back. The kid's good humored, and I owe him no impatience. But Temari…I turned to face her. She wore her usual outfit. Skirt, fishnets, the works. Leaned against her fan. A single eyebrow was elevated in inquiry. I could see she expected an answer. I gave her one.

"None of your damn business."

She smiled lightly, a smile that said, _You haven't changed a bit…_ I smiled back at her, a smile that said, _I can't believe I have to go through this…with you._

And so, Temari turned to face the crowded mass that was our combined classes. Her placid stare was instantly felt by every single student, and they each turned in attention. I as well. _How_ did she _do _that? She did the same to me way back when, and she still confounds me with that skill.

I shook my head. Expelled such thoughts. They were useless. Only brought on fits of nostalgia. And I had a job to do. So I turned to face the chattering throng of young ones.

"As you probably know at this point, today, instruction will include Temari-ehh…" I paused, unused to such word combinations, "…Temari-sensei and her students."

A chorus of replies rang out-- joyous outbursts and desperate moans. I let them vent it--it would have to come out at some point. Besides, silence would come on its own soon enough, and come it did. I continued.

"As such, we will begin with a little competition. You see this?" I cut off as I held up a bulky windmill shuriken. Three of its glassy blades were hidden, concealed under the first. The early sunlight refracted in a sort of unorthodox beauty off its exterior.

"You will be retrieving it." I smiled, feeling rather smart. Leaped into the air, high. 20, 30 feet. Unfolded the blades and threw it. It schizzed and buzzed as it sliced the misty air. Sailed and spun once or twice before disappearing into the rising sun. Everyone looked puzzled. Temari included.

I elaborated, "Well, go! This is a graded assignment, you know." Most still looked rather disoriented, or at least displeased with the circumstance. But, one by one, they each leaped off, each individual child digging into the brush in search of the weapon.

Temari dropped her charade of indifference once all had gone. Good thing, too, because most of her pupils would doubtless find what she said next rather appalling. I myself was somewhat expecting it, and took it in relative stride:

"What in hell was that?!?" She sounded like many things. Annoyed. Tired. Pissed. A dying animal. As I said, many things. That meant she felt many things, most of them probably related to stress…which was almost certainly related to me.

I shrugged. "Something to occupy them." She closed her eyes. I could see her mentally counting to ten.

"They won't take too long to find it –"

"That's what you'd think, isn't it?" She narrowed her eyes.

"What do you mean…?"

I sighed. "You know the inside band? Where you hold the thing? I laced it with a section from a genjutsu scroll. It'll be tougher than you think."

I crouched down and rolled back as Temari spoke, "So then…what do we do?...Shikamaru?" She turned around, to face where I now sat, lying against the cool, wooden wall, in the shade. I smirked.

"What do you think? Just chill for a minute." I rolled over, now on my side. While I'm sure I appeared rather nonchalant at the moment, I was still dealing with her presence. I could hear Temari give in to my idea as she slumped down to sit. Still, the tension between us was thick, worthy of a sharp knife. She sighed. Probably a sigh of nostalgia. She was thinking about our past, I was sure.

And, as I gradually noticed, so was I. I frowned at myself. Had it really been _that _long ago?

"Shikamaru Nara, where have you been?" That was what she said first she said when she saw we walk through the door, out of the rainy night. Her face suggested anger, but her tone spoke of worry. I knew what it meant: she was masking her concern with fury.

I winced, obviously a bit too visibly.

"I was out. Don't worry about it." Well, that was the truth. I was, just and simply, out and about. I had hit a music club or two, but nothing really interesting. At least...

"I…I just worry about you..." Her rage seemed to dissolve, and she just seemed to fall into my arms... Honestly, it felt too troublesome to deal with, especially in light of current events. So I told her, maybe a bit too gruffly, "Please…just—just get off…" I recall started at the sound of my own voice. It had sounded strained, apprehensive. I hadn't done anything that bad...had I?

And that was where it went downhill. I hadn't said anything more than that, but some imperceptible radar of hers picked up a disturbance in my voice. She knew. Even if she didn't yet, I could tell she would know by the end of the night.

"Shikamaru? What's wrong?" She sounded exasperated, as if she almost didn't want to know what I had done. I didn't want to tell her. But I knew, she knew, I had to.

"Listen, Temari, I—see, we—uhh…" I cut off.

"Let's you and me sit down." There was definite choke to my voice. I already knew what was going to happen. The next few hours, I could tell would be our last. They could only end with one thing…I wiped a tear from my eyes and as we sat, and next to me, I could see the dame things forming in her eyes, rain falling out of those beautiful eyes I could spend days getting lost in.

So I told her a few things. She told me a few things. Shouts were passed back and forth for a while. Tears were exchanged openly. Things almost seemed alright to me by the end. But she disagreed. Said maybe, maybe we should see other people. And she just got up and left. Just like that, gone. Forever more lost in her desert.

I sat for hours on the same spot. Took it hard at first. Then saw logic behind it. It was mean, cruel logic, but it was invariable. It was correct. It was this: I had deserved it.

And I had never seen her again, not even heard from her. Not until just yesterday. It _was_ a long time ago. I had really been that stupid. She had really been that beautiful. And I had really loved her that much. Which was how I became what I am. A chuunin, advancing on jounin. Through severance, I had become worthy.

_More cruel logic_, I thought to myself, as I turned once again in my light sleep, next to the one girl I had ever loved, next to the one person I never thought I would come to hate.

_Was it worth it? _

**Luvs2smooch: Yay internal conflict. Review?**


	5. Dying in my dreams

**Luvs2smooch: Wow. That took me a while. Sorry. Well, read on. **

Ex's and O's

Late, very late at night, probably around 4 AM, but I don't feel a bit tired. The stars paint vivid portraits against the late night canvas, bringing to life fantasies only dreamed of in other worlds. The grass beneath is a soft and luxurious natural mattress, tenderly cared for but not overwrought. And the only person in the world that I need is enjoying my company right beside me. Like I said, I'm wide awake.

However, even as I take in everything, my thoughts can't help but meander on the problems of life. Not enough pay, too many papers to grade, various debts. But as soon as they hit the big one, a red alert spirals out of control in my head. Temari.

Well, I suppose it isn't actually Temari, but the fact that I may love her and the various problems that come with it. My family is of little consequence—my father will likely be overjoyed, while I doubt my mother will care either way. But Temari's…well, I have not even met them, but as far as I know, she has two brothers, one of which is the Kazekage. I don't know what to make of that.

"…isn't it, Shika?" I nearly jump, surprised, then realize that Temari had been talking while I swayed about in my thoughts.

"Hmm?" I turn to face her.

She giggles. "I said, 'The sky is amazing tonight, isn't it, Shika?'"

I smile. "Absolutely."

Maybe, I think to myself, maybe it doesn't matter. Maybe the stories aren't true. Maybe her brother wasn't a mass murderer. Then I gulp as I remember Suna's attack. Okay, so maybe he was. But he isn't anymore, right? He's the Kazekage. That won't be a problem.

Or will it?

Maybe he'll just plain hate me. Put a public bounty on my head and be done with it. Or maybe he'll be supportive. Let his sister be happy with whoever she wants…But what about the other brother? He's no Kazekage, but he's older, and probably holds some position, given his family's status. Something needs to be worked out at one time or another.

Maybe I'm just getting ahead of myself.

After all, we've not even kissed yet. Sure, we're friends, have been for quite a while, but nothing beyond going out a few times (totally platonically, as we both agreed, still nervous about the opposite sex) has occurred. I'm unsure of what I can and cannot do. I realize that a bit of a talk is in order, so I think about what to say for a moment or two, and then sit up against my hands.

"Temari?" I hear her shuffle to sit up as well, and then she appears next to me.

"What's up?" Her expression tells me that she has been lost in thought as well.

"Well…" I pause for a moment, suddenly in a different world. I made a mistake. I looked into her eyes, and (like they always do) they captivate me. Often as I see them, they capture me once again, and I am speechless for moments on end. After a quick look of mild surprise, she blushes and giggles again.

"I'm sorry, it's just your-"

"Yeah, yeah, it's just my eyes, just that they sparkle like the sea, that they shine like a moondrop, that they reflect the light of the stars so beautifully. Which one is it this time, you dog?" She says it sarcastically, but playfully, as though she has heard few things sillier than my compliments, and punches my shoulder.

Now it's my turn to blush. That was unexpected.

"I…uhh-" I look down, embarrassed, feeling my cheeks redden more. _She got me on that one_, I think.

"Hey, bud," She whispers, with light in her tone, "Buck up…" She places the side of a finger against the bottom of my chin and begins to raise it. I comply, lifting my face to hers, expecting a warm word or kind look.

I'm surprised when Temari's lips connect with mine. Soft, but imposing. It feels as though she knows what she's doing. Which is just fine with me. I allow her to take command. She slowly wraps her arms around me, as I tentatively place my hands against he supple face, running fingers through her sandy yellow locks. My god, I think, this is what I've been missing.

The kiss was broken. She slides away carefully, and smiles. I have absolutely no idea what to say, which I guess shows, because she smiles wider.

"What the hell is a moondrop, anyways?"

"What? ...I-"

She giggles as she jumps up and dashes off. I laugh as I get up to make chase. It would happen periodically, she would just run off without warning and I would hound her for a while. Usually I would give up and she would see me with my hands on my knees, panting, and ask if I'd given up. I'd say yes, and then we'd ro-sham-bo to see who bought lunch for whom.

But when I get up, she's gone. I don't mean gone as in come-and-find-me gone, I mean vanished. I don't even see any footprints in the dirt path. Everything around me goes dark. It's as though the stars, the moon, have been spirited away. The few lights that had been on in houses were now dark as well. I can't see anything. I hear wind howling around me, whipping up my clothes and screaming in my ears. It spirals about in all directions, and then stops as suddenly as it began. I can only hear the beating of my own heart, loud and fast. Then a voice pierces the beat, humming at first, a merry but relatively tuneless melody. Then it speaks, and the voice I cherish the most, the one I'll never forget, says only one thing.

"Goodnight, Shika. Good--"

I jerk out of bed, screaming. My bare chest is covered in a cold sweat, and my hair hangs around my shoulders. I gasp and breathe heavily for a moment, then realize what had happened. It brings me to tears. It was so vivid, so powerful, that memory of mine resurrected that tears flow down my face. I curl up into a ball and cry, cry away my night, wishing for what I can't have and dreaming of what I've thrown away.

**Luvs2smooch: Recall, reviews determine the fate of this script! **


	6. Crying red

**Luvs2smooch: Whoo! I updated! Note that this is from Temari's POV, at least for this chapter.**

**Disclaimer:I don't own Naruto or the song (Promise by Simple Plan)**

I'm over him.

I'm over him. I'm over him and I sure as hell don't need him. I don't need him. I don't…I sighed, exasperated. I don't need him. I repeated this to myself, over and over, as I gazed back at myself in the mirror. Where I once searched for blemishes and wrinkles, I now sought only answers. From myself. As you might guess, it wasn't going too well.

I knew why I left him. I was too caught up in my stupid fantasies about romantic princes to see that not only is nobody perfect, but that I loved perfection's polar opposite. After all, he was lazy, undetermined, and all-together slightly boring. And I had loved him for it. He was a sturdy rock of solemn constancy in the roaring ocean of uncertainty, insecurity, and utter hate that was my life. He stabilized me, whether it was with a kind word when I felt inadequate or a warm embrace when my mentality went to shambles.

Thinking back on all he had given me, I felt like a fool. I had thrown away everything we had, tossed it all away like a used tissue. All just because I had goals for a romance that were lofty to the point of impossibility. _God, I feel like such a massive idiot…_

I left my hotel's bathroom as pristine as when I found it, and plunked down resentfully on the overstuffed couch, just in front of an old television. Swiped the remote and flicked through the channels, _click, click_, never really seeing what was on any one channel long enough to gain an interest. Just like Shikamaru…after all, I thought that there would be another Shikamaru, always thought another worthy soul would be waiting just round the bend. I was damn wrong.

I had readily discarded Shikamaru, lost in the thoughts that there was someone better out there, quickly deciding that forgoing what would turn out to be the single antidote for my poison was the first step to finding this "better person." I had chucked him straight out the window and into the rain, only realizing my mistake when the crushing weight of his absence came down on me.

I tried to shrug it off at first, of course, tried to pretend it didn't really hurt me like it did. Looked around, looked for my "better person", but every lost attempt, every failure, every little setback in my new search reminded me of him so profoundly, so vividly, that I could only keep from crawling back to him on hands and knees by searching even harder.

And…nothing. Nothing came, and I trudged on through the muck of my life. Before too long, I became a teacher. I suppose that Gaara and Kankuro became sick of my near-constant depressive presence, for they set me up for an interview within weeks of the breakup. My job came closer than anything to filling the void I had created when I abandoned my destiny. I grew happy again, gradually but surely.

And then I was crushed again.

Because my job, such a source of solace, forced me to venture somewhere I never again wished to roam: Konoha, village of the leaves, and, more importantly, village of Shikamaru. While I was unprepared to face him, I did, and I suppose it turned out just fine. No big fight, anyways, no one died, so I guess it was okay. But now… now I need to work with him…and for another 4 days. Damn.

Woops. All out off channels. I flicked the TV off again, sighing. What the hell to do now…I slowly pulled myself out of the ugly couch's overstuffed grasp and decided to make this night a night on the town. I just…I didn't want to remember anymore, at least not right then. I ran out the door, then remembered I should probably put my hair up, and then decided that I didn't give a shit either way. I ran for a while longer, until I reached the central road. It was wide and accommodating for the massive amount of people that traversed it, even this late at night. I found myself lost in the crowd, but it was just as well. I didn't have any idea what to do anyways. I looked around for somewhere to sit, to relax, to forget.

As soon as the opportunity presented itself, I ducked into a shabby little pub. Some local group was singing on a stage off in one corner, almost off-key, but I'd heard worse. I sat down at the bar, but didn't order anything. Just sat there, held my chin in my hand. Why was I here again? Impulse, I think…The band started another song, although I barely noticed…until the vocals began…

_Breakdown_

_I can't take this_

_I need somewhere to go_

_I need you_

_I'm so restless_

_I don't know what to do_

_Cuz we've had a rough time_

_Dividing our lines_

_But now you're just_

_Slipping away_

_So just give me this chance_

_To make he wrongs right_

_To say_

_Don't, don't, don't walk away…_

I chanced a look up, and...my God, I was sure of it…Shikamaru! He was on vocals…right? Was that him? I ran up to the stage, but was continually pushed back by the surging crowd…

_I promise_

_I won't let you down,_

_You down,_

_If you take my hand tonight_

_I promise_

_We'll be just fine_

_This time_

_If you take m__y_

_hand tonight…_

_If you take my hand tonight…._

"S'cuse me…coming through...I—hey, watch it!" I stumbled through the throng of fans…the band's popularity had skyrocketed as soon as they played that song, but I needed to get through, needed to see…see what? No way that's Shikamaru—he can't sing for crap! But even as I told myself, I pushed on… I had to see it, whatever it was...

_Without you_

_I go through the motions_

_Without you_

_It's just not quite the same_

_Without you_

_I don't wanna go out_

_I just wanted to say_

_I'm sick of these fights_

_I'll let you be right_

_If it stops you from running away_

_So give me this chance  
To make the wrongs right_

_To say  
Don't, don't, don't walk away…._

Finally! I arrived at the front of the crowd, right in front of a stage that looked surprisingly ruddy up close. Slowly, in anticipation, I looked up…

…into myself. My face. Wait…my face? It was…me. "What the—" I reached out and touched it, touched my own face, and it exploded into millions of tiny pieces, like a mirror when it meets the pavement. Shards of reflecting glass rained down all around me, and then there was nothing…nothing but black. The floor was littered with shiny shrapnel. I looked about, examined the pieces. Gasped, eyes wide. Each showed a picture…a picture of me. Of us…Shikamaru and I. Together. When we still had something, something powerful, something other than hatred. I kneeled down, tentatively, to pick one up, but before I got near it, a howling tempest picked up and whipped the shards away…

"Wait…" I spoke quietly, wishfully, and I could feel myself willing them to come back. I reached out a hand after them, but they were long gone, swept away, stolen by what was likely my own metaphoric dreams...It fit, though, didn't? Like our relationship in retrospective…I almost laughed at the sheer, painful irony of it. It came out as a gasping weeze, but I quit I felt something warm and wet running down my cheeks. I had a feeling I knew what It was, and I reached up wipe away tears with my hand. Looked at it. Lost my breath, fell back on my rump. I could feel it, everything was coming apart, whittling away at the seams, at the sight of it. My hand...

...I was crying blood. I could feel it flowing further, staining my shirt. _What in hell..._

...and then, a single voice, right behind me, piercing the silence, almost whispering in my ear, as the owner of it had not too long ago…

"You really are troublesome, you know. _So very_--"

I jerked off the couch, screaming, and thumped down onto the floor, on top of the remote. My god…was that just… a dream? I slowly got up, rubbing my throbbing temples. Stupid television…Stupid hotel…stupid…stupid what?

_Stupid yourself_, I thought, as I splashed some water in my face and looked at myself in the cheap mirror. Slowly, tentatively, i reached up to my face again. I was still crying...thankfully not red. I laughed to myself. Just a dream...then I looked at the mirror again. Overwhelming feeling swept over me like some sort of crushing storm. Knees weakening...I felt myself collapse...

...Why? Why had I done that? I felt so cheap, so dirty, for what I had done to him so long ago. And know it had come to bite me in the ass... I cried, cried to myself, about my own stupidity and my ultimate failure…I had chucked destiny out the window because of my own idiotic dreams…

**Luvs2smooch: That song rocks! How was the chapter?**


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